A Tale of Two Communities

Understanding the Secrets of Flourishing Communities

These tales are a challenge to the reader to reflect on their own community, the advantages and disadvantages between either community, and to foster an environment where personal and communal growth can flourish.

Community 1

The Jetsons finds themselves attending the local, large, (and for all intents and purposes) trendy church of Orbit City. The church is well-organized with great music, great childcare, and a great social network for business connections. The pastor’s powerful message always resonates. They attend a small group with parents of young kids who can relate to their struggles where they also share a meal and follow a bible study.

For the Jetsons, life revolves around work, multiple church events, and several after-school activities for the kids. It is a weekly grind of rushing – work, practice, church event, dinner, bedtime routine. Hopefully there is a good night’s sleep and the one-year-old does not crawl into their bed. Private reading and prayer time in the family is sporadic but that is all they have in them for this season. Family devotionals consist of praying after meals and asking the kids what they learned in youth group. Small group offers a reprieve from the busyness because the Jetsons do not have to think about dinner nor watch the kids, as they all chip in for a babysitter.

One day, a new couple joins their small group, and they seem interesting enough to know better. The wives exchange information since American husbands are not expected to do any form of family coordination nor do they seek social interaction outside of work and sports. After weeks of texting back and forth, they manage to find a combined free weekend six weeks away.

When the long-awaited Saturday arrived, the Jetsons hosted the new couple along with their kids. While the kids played together, one of the Jetsons’ kids comes in and pulls mom aside in private to report the other couple’s child as being mean. Mom doesn’t investigate immediately, and the adults continue to thoroughly enjoy each other's personality and similar upbringings. Both parents talk positively about getting together again.

In the meantime, the moms exchange texts in effort to keep up the relational momentum. Mrs. Jetson brought up the minor incident at small group in the most non-offensive of ways. After unclear and overly apologetic discussions, the matter is not pursued further. Several small groups go by as you notice vastly different parenting styles between your families. Small group does not afford enough time or intimacy for deeper conversation so Mrs. Jetson decides to text the mom “How can I pray for you this week?” After weeks of surface-level and vague exchanges, the motivation to go further in the relationship dwindles.

Small group continues similarly for three years. The core group stays the same; unfortunately, the influx and outflux of other families doesn’t allow the group to get beyond the surface level. The families spend the majority of small group catching up with each person whom they haven’t seen in the past week or two. They all vibe well and study several heavy theological concepts in the twenty-five minutes that remain for bible study: ecclesiology, soteriology, atonement theory and the like. The Jetsons attend the birthdays of the other families, go on dates nights with the other parents, and pray for their difficult situations at work or in their extended family. Although the Jetson’s closest friends do not attend their church nor small group, they love these people and would try to meet whatever need they had.

Community 2

Three families have committed to meeting together twice/week, once to share a meal and once in some random form or fashion. They are all Christians, attend different churches, but they have never organized a form bible study within the group. They’ve met together consistently for one year. Even when one family is out of town, the other two families will still connect. One of the wives travels part of the week, so she video conferences in when not in person.

The families' openness to asking and answering intimate questions are off-putting and sometimes uncomfortable, but there has been intentionality in the conversations from the beginning. They all have a text group together, as well as husbands and wives separately. Although they are all millennials, they have kids at various stages, different parenting styles, and combine for a spectrum of theological beliefs. Nonetheless, they are committed to working through any difficulties for the sake of personal and communal growth.

It was of course awkward and disorienting at first but eventually everyone realized that loyalties were genuine. They often agreed to disagree but found it more important to fight for understanding one another rather than to be right. Each person is valued and sincerely invested in each other’s best interest for and from God. Even if Jesus was not mentioned nor a bible opened, the tone of their conversations was always directed toward life abundantly in Christ.

Two months ago, one couple showed up to dinner obviously tense. After surface conversation was untenable, someone asked ‘What’s going on?’ Reluctant and frustrated, the husband leads off. The wife immediately cries. The group is hesitant. However, they are intimately familiar with each other’s lives, so they eventually spring into action. The dads take all the kids outside, the ladies stay in the living room to discuss. Nothing can be done to immediately fix the situation, but they at least provide a space for expression and perspective. They all return to the living room, reaffirm their love for the couple in a hard place, reinforce the positive attributes of their marriage, and express gratitude that they would entrust them with such sensitivities. Everyone prays. Things aren’t perfect but all are in a much better place as each couple heads home for the night. 

There is an availability and a capacity for relationship amongst these friends. One dad offered to watch their kids so they could have a date night the follow day. Two of the moms met for lunch the next day. They are they for each other in the fun and exciting things as well as the hard and hurtful times. More importantly, they are there for each other in the boring and mundane times.

The group continues similarly for another year and have brought another couple into the fold. They’ve offered many people an opportunity to join their community; however, most people aren’t willing to adjust their capacity nor reprioritize their current lifestyle. The families are largely enmeshed in each other’s lives. They’ve all, at some point, needed an ‘intervention,’ whether it was for child discipline issues, intimacy struggles, or just an argument with a spouse. They use each other to make sense of their own world and the world around them. They are considering attending the same church.