Musings on Motherhood

Forgiveness, Fried Chicken, and the Free Market of Racism: A Mother’s Day Retrospective

I missed my Mother’s Day post because my mom was in town. After the kids made the grandmoms breakfast, Johnna and I skipped town for an overnight respite. Here’s what you missed.

I got my mom a Mother’s Day card. I did not get the wife of my 10 kids a Mother’s Day card. She’s not my mother.

Truth is I am terrible with gifts and cards so my wife told me to get pick up cards for my mom and her mom. I could have gotten Johnna a card, but I was like ‘Nah.’ She’s got 10 kids, if one of them doesn’t get her a card, then that sounds like parenting problem.

At breakfast, my mother-in-law reads her card out loud. Not sure why, but here we are. She reads my portion, “H. M. D.” She asks, “What is that, some kind of code?”

I respond, “No, it just means Happy Mother’s Day.”

She keeps reading, “You made it,” signed Drexel. She actually had no comment on that part which did have a coded message. H.M.D. could have had several meanings… I guess, but on Mother’s Day it was just an abbreviation. “You made it,” definitely has several meanings, context dependent. Either she got it or didn’t care. What do you think the message was?

My mom decided to read my part of her card out loud too. This year, I didn’t do the typical Mother’s Day notations, “Thank you for all the years you raised me, the love, working 3 jobs… etc.” I feel like she knows that. This year I wrote, “I forgive you for not getting me a dog growing up.”

If she goes out soon, I want her to be at peace about that. Also, do not feel bad for her. This lady now dog sits for people! Are you kidding me?! What in the childhood trauma kind of dog-crap is that? When I asked her about this hypocrisy, she doubled down saying she likes dogs but doesn’t want to take care of them.

I also said, “I do not forgive you for never making me fried chicken growing up.” Can you imagine growing up with no dog and no fried chicken?! What in the name of black childhood trauma is this!?

I also want to tell you about another mom who deserves some credit on Mother’s Day. Her name is Shiloh Hendrix. Shiloh is a mother from Rochester, Minnesota who raised over $770,000 on a Christian fundraising site called GiveSendGo. GiveSendGo is ‘the only crowd sourcing site with a prayer button.’ Shiloh got paid all this money because she, as a white woman, called a five-year-old Black kid the N-word. On her GiveSendGo page she says she’s in a very dire situation because a kid stole from her 18month old’s diaper bag and ‘I called a child for what he is.’

Not only did Shiloh not apologize but she doubled down on her racism and is about to be a millionaire as a result. How crazy is that? Black mothers have been calling their children the N-word for decades and have not received a dime. But this white mother goes viral for it has raised $770k. The black kid, who is allegedly autistic, has raised approximately $330k. This is an example of individual and systemic racism all in one. Also, what was stolen from this 18month old’s diaper bag? I digress.

My wife is Italian and Puerto Rican, so not black. Some people see her as non-white and some people see her as white, depends on your upbringing (which demonstrates the inconsistency of this made-up conjecture of race). But I think to myself, we got an opportunity here… we have 10 kids. Johnna can go down the line and if we can get around $770,000 per kid, we are talking generational wealth here.

To be fair, I don’t even say the N-word. But I can though, let us be clear. However, It is the 400+ years of oppression, rape, discrimination, and theft contextualized in the word that make it a no-go for me. How ironic that Shiloh uses the N-word to describe a black child’s alleged stealing, saying she ‘called the kid out for what he was,’ when so much of the context behind the word has to do with white people stealing from black people. Nonetheless, I feel like the black community would allow me to give Johnna permission in this situation. What say you?

In the end, we wouldn’t be here without our mothers. Whether they didn’t make you fried chicken or they are using a Christian website to raise funds for being racist, the key takeaway is clear: Mothers Are Genuinely Awesome (MAGA). We need to admire their ingenuity and persistence. The journey may not always be easy, but the impact—doubling down on your convictions regardless of the childhood traumas that are imposed—is undoubtedly worth it.

H.M.D.