Strength vs. Resilience

Being Built to Last in Life & Motherhood

Several years ago, I wrote a piece for a local Mommy blog titled “Motherhood Doesn’t Get Easier, You Get Stronger.” I couldn’t find it, but I remember the main point. I had a convincing argument that motherhood doesn’t get easier. We never arrive in parenting and thus, with each new baby or season, I was simply getting stronger.

Strength : 1) the quality or state of being physically strong; 2) the capacity of an object or substance to withstand great force or pressure. I was really strong for several years - physically, mentally and spiritually. I always worked out and CrossFitted through several pregnancies and postpartum seasons. I had early morning spiritual disciplines and a tight schedule that kept all of us, including me, on track. It’s probably been 3-4 new King babies since I wrote that piece.

I still believe strength is important, but it can only take you so far.

Strength was key for many years of motherhood. We had baby after baby, got out of the military, moved houses, changed jobs, finished seminary — and I really do credit so much of it to JESUS & STRENGTH. I withstood a lot of pressure. I would take a challenge head on and grit my way through it for the sake of saying “Look what GOD did!” He always did amazing things, but the more I grew in physical and spiritual maturity, the more my capacity to withstand great force decreased.

I wasn’t recovering from life as quickly. I became closed off to the idea of changing, moving, dreaming, creating or building community. I was weepy, easily offended and disinterested in new systems. Call it burnout if you like, but I knew things had to change and I’m thankful I listened to the Holy Spirit.

I started pulling back the layers of being an over-achieving, high capacity mom and decided to sit in the stillness of each step. In the midst of unlearning “doing-it-all” for both my kids and community, I saw that there was still so much strength, but I wanted to be resilient. I wanted to spring back from challenges, recover from obstacles and successfully adapt to change.

Motherhood and life were continuing to throw obstacles my way. I had 7 kids, 8 years old and down. My husband was close to quitting seminary and in the thick of his own healing journey. Looking back, I am so thankful for the grit that reminded all of us to “SUCK IT UP, and keep going (to graduate for example).” However, my lack of resiliency exposed weakness and areas of rigidity. My systems centered around strength appeared to work, but I wanted to bend and flex when needed. I wanted to be excited about change and not terribly afraid of losing a life well-loved. I wanted new friendships and new opportunities.

Resiliency was never the “ultimate goal” - just the byproduct of seeking the Lord, slowing down and listening to my body. The process of learning resiliency revealed a softer side of me. I became less rigid when it came to new ideas. I became more open to dreaming, creating and learning. I pulled away from things that only took my energy and gave extra to my home, husband, family and even myself. Our intimacy and oneness began to flourish at unprecedented levels. I started serving from a much more authentic and humble place. My kids all sensed a deeper connection in the day to day moments and more areas of my life were positively influenced.

Now, in the midst of even more stress than those years with 7 kids, my body, mind and spirit feel more at peace and more capable due to this concept. I don’t have to grit my way through anything the Lord has for us. Instead, I can bend and flow with grace as each season brings highs and lows. Motherhood and life are marathons and we should all aim to race well. Resiliency is a long-term key.

If this concept resonates with you, let me know in the comments and I’ll share a part 2 with some of the practical pieces (spiritually, mentally and physically) of my journey. Everyone’s life looks different, but I am happy to share helpful tools that I’ve learned along the way.

With Love,

Johnna