We spent last week vacationing with friends and it was awesome!
Last year a coworker told me about an annual trip that he goes on with his college friends centered around LSU football. I was blown away: 1) that his friends have done it for years and continue to do so, 2) they have incorporated spouses and kids into the group, and 3) it has still been a priority for them to gather each year. I was inspired by the commitment, the connectivity, and the fun that my friend was looking forward to having.
I was also hesitant about the risks of such intimacy. In my head there are so many things that can go wrong with vacationing with friends. I can imagine how different these friends are from their college days, especially with spouses and kids now in the picture. Maturity levels must be vastly different - some are still single, some may still be trying to live out the college days, there are religious differences, and varying parenting styles. A recipe for disaster. Despite the odds this group of friends have found a way.
Naturally, my personality tends to enjoy friends and activities in the season that I am in. If circumstances move me elsewhere, so does my focus and attention. I do not necessarily like this about myself. I am not the type to reconnect, maintain long distance relationships, or prioritize surface level friendships. Even if I can get past myself, then there are the obstacles of various parenting styles, personalities, expectations in life, and ideas about vacation. If I am taking time off from work for vacation, I want it to be vacation.
I want it to be relaxing, fun, and worry-free. I do not want drama. I have enough to worry about already with my kids, I do want to have to worry about your kids as well. (Some people do not actively parent their kids. They only react to their kids when it escalates to a level in which they are inconvenienced. Thus, the tolerance for their kid’s rudeness, tantrums, or excusing their kids behaviors may be very different from our own). Likewise, I do not want a side of you (that is hidden or suppressed in everyday life) to be exposed because you have a little drink in you, or because you and your spouse cannot agree on vacation expectations, or your anxiety prevents you from being able to just rest. Again, this is my vacation, that I get 1-2 times a year. I am all about doing messy life with others AND I am all about having a true break to recharge and go back into the grind.
With that being said, I feel the ability to vacation with other people is a test of your friendship. Especially, people who are not family, in which you can choose not to spend time with them. As cautious as I am about vacationing with friends, I am also passionate about intimate relationships with people in all contexts of life.
It was a wonderful time. The husbands made it happen. My friend reignited us a couple of years ago and since then we have been in daily communication on the Marco Polo app. Marco Polo app is like a video text message that you can send, receive, listen to, and respond to when ready. From our daily conversations for ~2 years, we were able to go deep on the Polo and it became therapy, accountability, and encouragement for us all. We then had the natural desire to meet in person, see each other's kids, and have a space for our families to interact.
There were many 'obstacles' to gathering: we have different parenting styles, different views on COVID, different worldviews, and there was even some old history that had to be overcome. I say that to be an encouragement to someone else to be open to taking that risk in their own friendships despite some of the warnings. I am at a place in my life in which I see community as the most important aspect of life and legacy. Men have too much duty, responsibility, and pressure to do life alone. I hope everyone can find the type of vulnerability, freedom, diversity, and commitment in male friendships I have been able to experience with my guys. I will continue to insist that friendships should not be that hard and yet I acknowledge that it does require a capacity, willingness, and maturity to push pass discomfort, to accept one another, to forgive, and to love.
There were 20 kids ranging from 8mths - 12years and 8 adults. The resort was in the beautiful, hilly, wine country of Texas which I did not even know existed. The resort offered 2 pools, a hot tub, and several activities for the kids.
I like to rise early, even on vacation, and my friends like to stay up late and sleep in. We were all super flexible, accommodating, and adjusted where applicable. I asked at the beginning of the week what we all wanted/needed from the vacation, and followed up. It seemed we all got what we wanted! I am looking forward to the next one. I look forward to growing in relationships with others to be able to do this with them as well.
A couple highlights:
Date night celebrating 14 years of marriage!
Just seeing all of our families in the same space.
The kids played well together all week.
Several conversations exploring the deeper meanings of our why, worldview, and discovering the many similarities in our lives.
Watching Spiderman Across the Spider Verse.
Rest!
What are your thoughts about vacationing with friends? Worth it or no?