Beyond Preference: Seeking Authenticity and Biblical Community in Church

No church is perfect, and you will have to make compromises. The question is, ‘Which comprises should we be willing to make concessions for?’

I used to have a whole monologue for what I look for in a church. It’s been a while since I thought in this way, but I was able to recall my demands: 

1. Expository Preaching: 

A crucial factor for me was a church that emphasized expository preaching. I value a verse-by-verse approach to studying the Bible, where the preacher delves deep into the Scriptures, starting from one book and progressing to the next. This style of preaching demonstrates a commitment to the text itself and reduces the influence of personal bias. Popcorning or skipping verses can indicate a lack of confidence or avoidance of certain topics, which is not an encouraging sign. Expository preaching helps ensure the accurate representation of God's Word. 

2. Men's Ministry:  

While it is important to consider the spiritual development of both men and women, a community with a healthy men’s ministry is an indicator of underlying church health. I have found that particularly focusing on men's ministry has a significant impact on the overall health of families and the local church (substantially, a family of families). Strong men contribute to strong families, which, in turn, contribute to strong churches and communities. Besides, women already have a reputation of being more active in church. Nonetheless, I looked for a church that prioritized an intentional and robust men's ministry, encouraging men to embrace their biblical responsibilities, lead with integrity, and actively engage in their faith.  

3. Church Discipline: 

The handling of church discipline is another critical aspect to consider. A church that avoids or overlooks the need for church discipline undermines its spiritual vitality. When a pastor dismisses the importance of addressing serious sin and holding individuals accountable, it sends a troubling message to the congregation. Church discipline, when approached with love and grace, fosters a healthy community and maintains the integrity of biblical teaching.  

These criteria work well if you want to attend a ‘reformed’ or Acts 29 type church. Other things that would catch my attention in the first couple of visits: Did they keep the lights on during the singing? Is the women’s ministry curriculum intentionally preferring ‘light and fluffy’ material? Does the membership class take seriously the implications church membership or is it a debrief of the church’s mission (they are all the same, some form of gather-grow-go), a quick gospel presentation, and a few minutes for Q&A? My desire was to find a church that approached faith with sincerity, encouraged deep commitment, and fostered a culture of ‘embrace-equip-engage' (see what I did there?). However, it's essential to recognize that the intentions of the heart hold significant weight, and there is more wisdom to be gained from the biblical text to form a comprehensive understanding of the church and your role in it with appropriate discernment. In retrospect, I acknowledge that my previous understanding was tainted by self-righteousness and legalism, driven by misguided intentions and flawed judgment. 

After spending a few years in seminary, my perspective and criteria for choosing a church underwent significant transformation. Ironically, this change occurred while studying at a conservative evangelical seminary, which may not be so surprising after all! 

The Long-Standing Debate on Soteriology

One pastor wisely suggested that observing people's fruit will give you an idea of what is at the root of their theology. It became non-negotiable for me that the preacher affirms the unconditional love of Jesus for all people and His sacrifice on behalf of all. It would be extremely difficult for your fruit to manifest a radical love if the root of your theology begins with a Jesus who does not love all people overwhelmingly, unconditionally, and equally in demonstration. If you find this response surprising, it may indicate that you either subscribe to Calvinism or are newly encountering this theological debate. Welcome to the 400-year-old discussion!  

There are those who believe that Jesus' death was exclusively for an "elect" group of individuals, implying that some receive greater love because He died solely for them.¹ This belief is held by various groups: 

• The Puritans - slave owners, like Jonathan Edwards 

• Christian Nationalists - Allie B Stuckey, Albert Mohler   

• Restless and reformed - James White, John MacArthur, and others.  

• Orthodox Presbyterians,  

• and most systematic theologians.  

The dangerous implication of believing that Jesus didn't die for all is that it can lead to treating certain people as less than image bearers of God. The fruit I see from these groups in general are individuals who prioritize doctrine while neglecting application, biblical social justice, and theological diversity. While there are individuals who strike a balance between their limited atonement theology and grace-filled love, in my experience, they are the exception rather than the norm.  

Furthermore, it is crucial to me that the church I attend is genuinely welcoming to my mixed-race family and demonstrates openness to the social concerns faced by the black community. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you look at it, this eliminates most churches. Walking into predominantly black or white churches, regardless of their size, often invites stares and a sense of being different. Regrettably, we have experienced genuine hospitality in only a few churches. The expectations are not high; a simple hello, introductions, and perhaps a few surface-level questions can go a long way. However, it is disheartening when faced with coldness, disinterest, or bewildered gazes from individuals who seem unaccustomed to the presence of a large, diverse family. 

Choosing the Right Church

Choosing the right church can be a challenging decision. If you had to move, and visit a different church next week, what criteria would you have for visiting and committing to a church? Imagine yourself in a foreign country where everything is new and different. Would you replicate your current church experience, or would you adapt to the local context, embracing diverse understandings of God, community, and worship? Take a minute and go through this thought exercise. Write your responses in the comments! These questions, and the truths from the scriptures, will help us discern between the essentials and non-essentials when it comes to church-searching criteria.  

As someone who has explored different churches and refined their criteria over time, I have come to recognize the significance of certain aspects when selecting a church community. We were in the military, my theology has grown, we’ve experienced church hurt, and we have lived on both coasts and in between. Is church really about the music, the pastor ‘bringing the word,’ having friends for your kids, what you get out of it, having a doctrine that is most closely associated with your view of the Bible, social action, or promoting your preferred politics? 

While everyone may have different preferences and priorities, here are some general criteria I would recommend to folks: 

• Local Community: Choose a church that is close to your home. You can be actively involved in your neighborhood which overlaps with your church community, extending the ministry from your home to church more naturally.  

• Own Your Development: It's essential to understand that the church is not responsible for your spiritual nourishment and growth. The church is a place for communal worship and equipping you for ministry. Personal spiritual development and sustenance should come from personal study, prayer, and a relationship with God. 

• Biblical Community and Safety: Look for a church where you and your family feel safe and can experience genuine biblical community. Many churches want the idea of you but are not ready to love who you are. It will take a lot of discernment to know whether you should remain despite a lack of inclusivity.² Notwithstanding, finding biblical community will involve interacting with people who are different from you in terms of culture, beliefs, appearance, and practices. Remember that diversity in the body of Christ is biblical (1 Cor 12; Eph 2-4) and provides opportunities to practice the biblical one anothers. 

• Support: Find a church that doesn't hinder your ability to disciple your family or exercise your spiritual gifts and calling within your community. A supportive church environment will encourage and empower you to fulfill your God-given responsibilities as opposed to making you so busy running the machine (and making you feel guilty for not being a cog) that you have little time for family ministry, hospitality, and obeying God. A church will help everyone in the body identify and refine their gifts and calling as opposed to 10% of the people doing 90% of the work.  

• Rightly Prioritize Core Doctrine: People have essentials and non-essential doctrines they hold to. They can be triaged into three categories: 1) Core doctrine, those held by orthodox Christianity, 2) Second tier issues in which some Christians won’t fellowship with you corporately but respect you, and 3) third tier issues that are not a boundary for excluding fellowship, but we will disagree on. At the end of the day, as long as the church affirms Christ as the Son of God and the second Person of the Trinity, you can tolerate most other things. When we make too many second and third tier issues, core doctrinal issues, we have lost our first love.³

No church is perfect and you will make compromises. The question is which comprises should we be willing to make concessions for?

The church not being able to meet all your needs says more about your spiritual maturity than theirs!  

Selecting the right church involves careful consideration of factors such as local community, spiritual development, biblical community and safety, support for discipleship, and adherence to orthodox beliefs. While personal preferences may vary, it's essential to approach the topic with humility and an open heart, valuing diverse perspectives and engaging in respectful dialogue.

Ultimately, let the guidance of the Holy Spirit direct your decision-making process.⁴

In my searches for a church that aligns with my values, I have refined my criteria to focus on what truly matters. I would love to be in a church that prioritized the beauty and wonder of Christian community, but I also recognize that, among other things, biblical community is a challenge in the American church and to the American way of life. Part of the reason why I write on Substack is to find others who are like-minded and connect us. I am a connector by nature and I want to fellowship those also desiring to live in gospel transformed community. 

Does this help? Where would you push back? What would you add? I’d love to have some respectful disagreements and dialogue around this topic. I value your experience and want to hear what the Lord is teaching and has taught you in this area.  

1. A further treatment of the various options for soteriology and the differences will require an additional and more lengthy post.

2. This also requires a deep level of self-awareness, self-identity, and relational awareness. Discernment requires you to confident of who you are in Christ. If you are unclear on 1) who you are and 2) whose you are, then there will be difficulty discerning relational, spiritual, and emotional boundaries, inclusivity, and calling.

3. This requires a deeper level of lived experience, communal accountability, and theological diversity. Again, self-awareness, self-identity, and relational awareness are essential. If you are unclear on 1) who you are and 2) whose you are, then there will be difficulty discerning what issues are core, second, or third tier. 

4. This assumes a level of intimacy with God and personal spiritual disciplines that are foundational for discerning the Holy Spirit. Please see my post on What is Your Connection With God for more clarity.