The Path of Spiritual Growth: A Journey of Self-Discovery, Life-Giving Generosity, and Lasting Legacy
If you died today, are you ready and satisfied or regretful and incomplete?
Recently, I had the privilege of reading Ronald Rolheiser's insightful and short book, "Domestic Monastery – Creating A Spiritual Life at Home."1 One particular framework he introduced has deeply resonated with me, prompting reflection on my friendships, parenting, and the legacy I wish to leave behind. Drawing inspiration from St. John of the Cross, Rolheiser outlines ‘three fundamental stages of our spiritual lives’, which I have renamed as: Self-Identity Struggle, Life-Giving Transformation, and Death-Giving Transformation.
Self-Identity Struggle
At the initial level, Self-Identity Struggle, we find ourselves in the midst of the ongoing struggle to understand our lives, identity, and purpose. We are struggling to find our place in the world and make a home of our own. Our journey begins at birth, intensifies during adolescence, and often extends well into adulthood. Nevertheless, some people do find ‘home’ and no longer wrestle existentially with:
Who am I?
What will I do with my life?
Who loves me?
Who will marry me?
Where should I live?
What should I do? (70)
This stage requires experiencing hurt, struggling, loneliness, as well as community. All people will wrestle with the Self-Identity Struggle to some degree throughout their lifetime. However, many individuals will struggle their entire lives never arriving at their true self in Christ.2
Life-Giving Transformation
Having attained a clearer understanding of our identity, gifts, and God-given purpose, we can progress to Life-Giving Transformation. We transition from trying to figure ourselves out to trying to figure out how we can give ourselves away.3 Our questions become: How do I give myself over more generously and more purely? How do I give my life away? How do I remain faithful? How do I sustain myself in my commitments? (71)
What gifts, time, and talents do I have that I can bless others with?!
In this stage, we shift from a mindset of helping others out of convenience or when there are personal benefits involved, to a routine where helping is integral to our values. Helping and sharing is a genuine priority, and we prioritize our capacity and willingness to assist others. We move away from a focus on self-discovery and embrace a culture of hospitality that permeates home, work, and the community. We view people differently as well. No longer do we see others as competitive threats in a limited pie of success. Instead, we understand that what God has in store for us is uniquely meant for us, irrespective of what others say or do. This realization brings a deep sense of security in our purpose and identity. We no longer feel the need to compete or compare ourselves with others, but rather embrace a mindset of abundance and cooperation.
Death-Giving Transformation
The final stage, Death-Giving Transformation, holds profound significance as it prompts us to contemplate how we can bless others in our death. It shifts our focus from asking, “What can I still do so that my life makes a contribution?” to “How can I now live so that when I die, my death will be an optimal blessing to my family, the church, and the world?” (73)
How can my legacy still honor and bless others after my passing? (Just as my life did.)
This level embraces the ‘sacredness of time,’ understanding that “Leisure is not the privilege of those who have time, but rather the virtue of those who give to each instant of life the time it deserves,” as David Steindl-Rast beautifully articulates (77). While this stage is often associated with the later years of life, I am convinced that we can cultivate this mindset at earlier ages. Even in our late 30s, or any stage of life, we can take proactive steps to honor our family after our passing. These steps may include capturing precious moments in photos, creating meaningful family rituals, forging lasting memories, documenting our thoughts for our children to reflect on in the future, and nurturing a family culture that fosters unity and kingdom advancement.
Reflecting on Your Spiritual Journey4
What stage are you?
Take a moment to introspect and assess your own spiritual journey. Are you primarily focused on self-discovery, grappling with questions of identity and purpose? Or have you transitioned into a stage of life-giving, where generosity and hospitality shape your interactions with others?
What about your friends and acquaintances? Where are the people you love most?
What conversations can you have to understand where your people are? Does understanding their stages bring clarity to some of your relationships and your own stage? Is there an opportunity for mutual support and growth? Do you need to diversify and reprioritize whom you spend your time with? Who do you want to grow more with? Who can you grow more with?
If you died today, are you ready and satisfied or are you incomplete and regretful?
Contemplate the state of your life and the legacy you would leave behind if you were to pass away today. Are there any unresolved regrets or unfinished endeavors that weigh on your heart? Alternatively, do you feel content and fulfilled, knowing that you have lived a life aligned with your values and purpose?
What is the next step you need to take to move towards understanding your blessedness in God?
Consider the actions or mindset shifts necessary to deepen your understanding of your blessedness in God. Are there spiritual practices, personal reflections, or conversations that can bring you closer to this realization? Identify the next step you need to take on your journey and commit to pursuing it.
(And if you can answer ‘yes’ to all these questions and you live near Waco, then teach me your ways!)
Stay tuned for the next installment,
where I will delve into my personal reflections, suggestions, and challenges along the journey. This exclusive content is reserved for our valued paid subscribers who have invested in our family. As a token of appreciation for your support, I want to reciprocate by sharing something more intimate with you. Your subscription enables us to continue creating meaningful content. If you haven't subscribed yet, I invite you to consider treating our family to the equivalent of one coffee a month or blessing us with a date night by opting for a yearly subscription. Your contribution goes a long way in supporting our ministry. Thank you!
Ronald Rolheiser. Domestic Monastery - Creating a A Spiritual Life at Home. Paraclete Press. Brewster MA: 2019.
There is much ambiguity in this phrase that needs to be clarified with an entire post, but for now, I can say that Christ's incarnation also restores what it means to be fully human. His love demands the fullness of our intellect, will, morality, and emotion. His example serves as the standard for life; His life serves as the power source that strengthens us to live life abundantly.
As this stage graduates from Self-Identity Struggle, the giving of self is a positive thing that is done from a place of generosity and wholeness free from boundary issues, guilt or obligation.
Public Service Announcement: Let me caveat that this is framework for self-evaluation and personal growth, not a tool to measure someone’s faith or discern anyone’s salvation. This is also not a tool to label and discern the spiritual state of others. I see the framework as guideposts for your journey or encouragement for you to keep fighting the good fight. If it doesn’t work for you, don’t use it. Carry on, go forth and do great things! If you’ve found some value in it thus far, great! Conversely, it is not a way for you to earn more of God’s love, justify His grace for you, or anything of the sort. You cannot do anything, good or bad, to make God love you more than He already does, particularly demonstrated in the cross. I see this as a way to have practically apply biblical principles in the world we live in today such as 1 John 2:12-14; 2 Peter 1:3-8; Romans 5:1-5; 12; Phil 1:21-30; 1 Corinthians 12; etc.
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